am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
