I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
