Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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