I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
