i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize