I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
