I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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