He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
