You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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