drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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