so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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