This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize