update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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