fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The best revenge is premature balding
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
