i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
