What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
