I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
