There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
