so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
