My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
