Already got asked if we're dating
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
