saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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