I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
