you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
