If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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