Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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