Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
