you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
