question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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