ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You pole danced in your parka.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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