Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
