I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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