I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize