I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize