This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
