I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Still dying that you shit outside
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
