i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
