Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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