He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize