Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
