I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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