Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
