Michael Bay diarrhea
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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