6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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