I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
