Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
