Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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