I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
