just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
