I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
