I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
