i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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