If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize