Im at strip club and am horny
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
