To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
