So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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