You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize