you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
