I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
