Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
