She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
