Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You need Xanax blowdarts
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
