dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
