He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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