If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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