my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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