i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
