Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
