I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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