I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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