This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
