Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle

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(574): View more from Indiana

Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..

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(334): View more from Alabama

He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.

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(317): View more from Indiana

My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick

(1-317): View more from Indiana

That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure

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