Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You may now shotgun with the bride
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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