Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
