Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
