...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
