I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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