remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
