Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
