that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just had sex bonerless
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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